A Walk through Blog Land!

I'm sorry I haven't updated the site in a while, loyal readers. You've been checking my page every day, no doubt, sighing audibly at the sight of that now-familiar gerbil. Well, the wait is over.

I realized earlier this evening while posting criticisms on Donny the pornographer's site that I've been neglecting my own responsibilities as a blogger. Criticsms? Why, yes. You see, Donny hasn't been posting pictures of naked chicks (as he should be) recently. He's become thoughtful and political all of a sudden, voicing actual feelings and concerns. The outrage! I mean, I'm perfectly okay with him talking about serious stuff, but at least have the decency to decorate these posts with naked women!

If you're going to continue with serious topics, here's a possible format you could follow, Don:

Title: "A Sad Day for Donny."

Text: "...My beloved dog, Rex, died peacefully in his sleep last night - he was 11-years-old."

Picture: (Naked girl playing with her boobs)

Text: "...I'm truly going to miss you, pal. I keep tearing up every time I see your empty food dish and your well-chewed tennis ball."

Picture: (Girl - legs spread)

Text: Rex: 1994 - 2005

Picture: (Two topless girls making out)

You know, something like that. You mix the good with the bad.

So anyway, I posted a couple of comments on the most recent of Donny's posts. They read as follows:

"By today's standards." That's a phrase that's tossed around a lot--but do you really think that the men of past centuries were such a "down to earth" bunch? Hell no, they weren't! They knew a fine piece of ass when they saw it! And if Jebediah had a hot wife, you better believe the whole community looked at their beastly companions a little differently. I'm guessing that the popularity of your 'ugly models' is simply due to them being oddities in the porn world. After all, people are also very willing to stretch their necks to view a bloody car wreck too."

And then: And Donny!Let's get with the program, eh? Billboards? Jane Fonda the 'traitor'? Ugly women? These shouldn't be in a pornographer's vocabulary!

He then responded, saying that my comments always amuse him, and how he wished I would update my blog more often. "Yeah, but whaddayagonnado?" I muttered. And then it came to me! A lot of my time in Blog Land is spent replying to other people's sites. I waste a lot of good stories on their pages as opposed to putting them on my own! Remembering how I posted the gerbil comment reply, I realized that I could effectively kill two birds with one stone by showing you some more of the comments I've left! I'm so smrt!

So here are a few of this evening's messages to other bloggers:

That's a frog - not a toad.

I used to shoot frogs with my Daisy lever-action BB gun. When the BB tore through their bodies, all of their stored energy was expelled in one final, aimless leap. In mid-air they would usually die before landing face first in the muck (Thwap!), their entrails following soon after.

One day I learned that if I dropped those sturdy, "strike anywhere" wooden matches into the barrel of my empty gun, they would fire like little missiles at close range. I'd often spot a frog sitting in a centimetre or two of water, and then shoot a Red Bird his way.

FLOONK! went the splash.

The matches rarely went all the way through the body, either. They'd horrifically stick out from the frog's white belly, along with its greasy, gray organs.

For a human, the equivalent would be a 4x4 beam of lumber hitting the torso at 280-feet-per-second. Ouch!

-Wino

( In response to a picture the author had taken of a "toad" )



Isn't it gross how they tear their feathers out like that?

"Listen bird," I'll often say. "You may not want to admit it, but this feather-pulling nonsense is a problem--it's a problem that has GOT to stop!"

"Pretty birdy! Pretty birdy! Mackaw!!" they respond.

So vain, those birds. Always looking in their cheap little mirrors; spending hours on their grooming. We're always hearing about the alleged societal pressures teenage girls face - but I think these 'birds' have it worse.

( In response to a picture of a parrot )



It looks as though you let it dangle in a not-yet-solidified bowl of raspberry Jell-O.

But then again, I understand that IS a popular method.

Okay then... carry on.

*Steps out of your blog backwards - slowly*

( In response to a rather awful hair colouring )


Linkin Park? More like STINKIN’ PARK! Haw! Haw! Haw! Haw!!

( In response to a post that actually praised Linkin Park )


You're joking, right? This isn't a revelation by any means. EVERY Pope has been opposed to homosexuality - not just Ratzinger.
It Catholic policy, man! The Vatican is the original "NO GIRLS (or girly boys) ALLOWED" club!

But hey, if you REALLY want to voice your concerns, I'll link you to the man himself:

http://askthepope.blogspot.com/

Joseph is ALWAYS there to answer the people's questions.

-Wino

( In response to a gay guy who thought he had uncovered a big 'secret' about the new Pope )


For a self-described "insane person," you post a sufficient amount of smut.

Good work, Crazy.

( In response to some guy who talked about being insane, but had lots of good pictures )


Mexican labor – you get what you pay for.

-Wino

(http://rough-writer.blogspot.com/)

( I've included the link for this one so you can see how subtly perfect this response of mine is. The guy, a pretentious "writer," talked about how he felt the need to get a job--to work with the "common folk." He then explains how he quit a mere hour or two into his FIRST shift. )