Captain Pepper
One day not too long ago, I was sitting around the house with nothing to do. When people don’t know what to do, they sometimes convince themselves that they are hungry in order to fill that “empty” feeling. I did the same. I went to the fridge, got myself an orange and devoured it.
“Hmmm. Still empty,” I thought.
Then, looking down at Pepper, I knew what I had to do. No, I wasn’t going to eat Pepper—I was going to transform her into…Captain Pepper!
I took my orange peel and carefully poked two holes in either side of the rind, allowing for a rubber band to be inserted. I then tied knots to secure it in place and said, “Pepper! It’s time for your mission!”
Pepper struggled at first, since she was a little nervous about her mission. But I simply reminded her that she should be thinking about her fellow countrycats, and that what she was about to undertake was noble work—hero’s work!
Strapping her helmet on her, I got the sense that she was ready to embark on her mission. In her eyes I saw determination and valor—traits that are quite rare in cats. She meowed a long and awe-inspiring meow of courage, tossing her head from side to side in an effort to psyche herself up for what was to come. “Brave soul,” I thought, tears welling up in my eyes.
Pepper takes a moment to pray before...the mission
(Click picture for another Pepper story of Argus's)
“Hmmm. Still empty,” I thought.
Then, looking down at Pepper, I knew what I had to do. No, I wasn’t going to eat Pepper—I was going to transform her into…Captain Pepper!
I took my orange peel and carefully poked two holes in either side of the rind, allowing for a rubber band to be inserted. I then tied knots to secure it in place and said, “Pepper! It’s time for your mission!”
Pepper struggled at first, since she was a little nervous about her mission. But I simply reminded her that she should be thinking about her fellow countrycats, and that what she was about to undertake was noble work—hero’s work!
Strapping her helmet on her, I got the sense that she was ready to embark on her mission. In her eyes I saw determination and valor—traits that are quite rare in cats. She meowed a long and awe-inspiring meow of courage, tossing her head from side to side in an effort to psyche herself up for what was to come. “Brave soul,” I thought, tears welling up in my eyes.
Pepper takes a moment to pray before...the mission
(Click picture for another Pepper story of Argus's)
posted by Wino McHackenpuke at 1:40 PM
6 Comments:
you are a truly sick individual. I am still angry at you for not liking my shoes!
i really wish i had an orange right now. i think my cat would love to become 'Captain Neko'.
Hollowed-out grapefruits also work well.
A grapefruit is too big for Pepper though. It's because her bulimic nature robs her tiny body of vital nutrients.
This morning, for instance, she barfed on my bedspread before work (no accident, I was certain). She confirmed my suspicion when she attempted to blame ME for the episode:
Me: What the hell?! I'm heading to work, you little bitch, what gives?
Pepper: Look, this would never happen if you would just buy me that IAMS stuff like I asked you, instead of that lousy Purina shit. It's all your fault. I won't be eating this pile this morning, either, incidentally.
Me: Keep this up and I'm going to shave you again. I'm going to get Wino to hold you down, and I'll begin with that nice, striped coat you're so proud of.
Pepper: You wouldn't DARE.
Me: We'll see. It all depends on whether or not that puke is still there when I come home.
But the real reason for her Vomiting is because she's been drinking again. I found her little cache of whiskey bottles under my bed.
I'm telling you, all this drinking is going to ruin her chances to pilot The Mission. It's not like the General doesn't know she's been going out on benders all weekend.
-A
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sorry, "maluka," but I'm afraid I still don't understand your message, despite your carefully-worded reply.
By the way...you are very ugly.
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