"What Not to Eat" - Uh Oh

On my startup page (sympatico or MSN or something) there was a link to an article entitled "Ten Items to Scratch off your Grocery List." I decided to check it out, knowing that I'd definitely have some of the items at home.

I discovered that I'm going to die soon.

First on the list?

• Soft Drinks - The average 12-ounce can supplies about 10 teaspoons of sugar and has no nutritional value. Some varieties contain caffeine which can leave you dehydrated. In addition, soft drinks can end up replacing more nutritious and hydrating beverages like milk and water.

I find the last bit particularly amusing, since Coke really has taken the place of water and milk for me. It's not my fault, though! My dad brings me tons of the stuff in bulk. Literally, I have about a ton of Coke. It's stacked much like you would find it at the grocery store in the basement, case upon case.

• Potato Chips - A handful every now and then is fine, but how easy is it to stop there? Generally speaking, most varieties of chips are composed of saturated fat, sodium and empty calories. While some companies are starting to fry their chips in heart-healthier trans-fat-free oils, the fat and calories still add up.

Well, there's another point against me. Breakfast and lunch today was a bag of "Munchies Snack Mix" (BBQ flavour). Inside are Doritos, Fritos Hoops, Cheetos and Rold Gold pretzels. So good. But it's yet another nail in the coffin, apparently. Shit, I had a coke along with it. Two nails.

• Fruit-flavoured Beverages - Many varieties contain a minimal amount of real fruit juice -- the rest is water and sugar. Because the juice content is negligible, the beverage provides little nutrition and zero fibre.

Wait a minute, wait a minute - I was under the impression that Sunny-D was fresh-squeezed!

• Doughnuts - Along with pies, cinnamon rolls and other pastries, are often packed with artery-clogging saturated and trans fat. These calorie-laden foods are made primarily of fat, white flour and sugar and contain next to no nutrition.

But they taste so good! Especially the white, powdered-sugar ones! They make it seem as though these are particularly deadly, but I just don't believe it. They're too fluffy and tasty to be capable of destroying me.

• Bacon - Along with hotdog wieners, sausage and bologna can be high in saturated fat, preservatives and sodium. And a diet high in sodium can lead to high blood pressure.

Man, I love bacon. Not too long ago I ate an entire pound of it! Well, to be fair, it lost a lot of its weight once I fried it in fat; but it may have gained back some weight once I covered it in salt. And what's all this about wieners and sausage being bad for you!? Those are the staple BBQ foods of summer! Bacon is more of a winter meal, but sausages!? No, you can't take those away from me. It's not even fair to suggest it.

• Pre-packaged Lunch Kits - Tend to contain high sodium, high-fat processed cheese and deli meat, along with trans-fat-laden crackers, and a sugary, high fat dessert to top it off. Weighing in at about 620 calories, 33 grams of fat (13 of which are saturated), and 1,000 mg of sodium, is the convenience really worth it?

Is the convenience really worth it? OF COURSE IT IS! What do you expect me to do, eat a handful of granola and raisins? Forget it! I often go to Wal-Mart's freezer and purchase an armload of "Hungry Man" dinners simply for convenience's sake. You just toss it in the microwave and it's done! 1000 mg's of sodium! Dun, dun, dun!! Oooh, I'm shakin'!

• Instant Noodles - Are often coated in artery-clogging hydrogenated fat such as palm oil. One 85 gram package contains about 16 grams of fat and loads of sodium.

Hold on - An 85-gram package contains only 16 grams of fat? That's not too bad! That means 69 of those grams are nothing but goodness! Maybe if 75 of the 85 grams were fat I would consider dropping it from the grocery list (actually, probably not), but the fact is, Instant Noodles are super convenient, and definitely worth it! Sure, they don't taste all that great, but it's food none the less. And they're cheap! Everybody wins!

• Chicken Nuggets - Can be breaded, deep-fried and bursting with saturated and trans fat. And most brands tend to use dark meat which is even higher in saturated fat than its white counterpart.

Again, though, these taste too good for me to stop eating them. Whenever I buy them I make sure to get the more expensive white meat ones, though, since it's pretty disgusting biting into a chicken nugget and seeing that brown/gray meat in there. I remember seeing a huge box for a really cheap price one time, so I bought it. But when I cut one of the nuggets open and saw the colour, I convinced myself it was mainly filler and discarded them.

• Canned Luncheon Meats - are among the least healthy sandwich fillers. They are often high in total fat (a 60 gram portion contains approximately 14 grams of fat), saturated fat and sodium.

Finally an item I don't purchase! The last time I had SPAM was about ten years ago when we had to "design a restaurant" for a class project. I decided the place would serve nothing but SPAM products (SPAM dogs, burgers, etc). When we presented our pitch we served spam cubes with pineapple and stuff. We got a great mark, too.

• Meat Pies - One pie contains about 450 calories, 30 grams of fat and 1,180 mg of sodium -- almost half your daily allowance! If you're concerned about your heart health, consider eating them less often.

Now we're back on track again. Wait, does lasagna count as a "meat pie"? Probably. It's got a bunch of meat in it. And what's this about a "daily allowance"? I'm allowed to have as much sodium as I damn well please!

Well, that's the list. I don't think this diet is going to kill me any time soon, though. I'm quite slim and trim, and considering this write up comes from homemakers.com, I'm assuming this is more of a warning for fat-assed housewives. If I do eventually have a heart attack in my forties or fifites or something, they'll probably have a cure for it by then. Yes, I'm quite sure they will. *Eats doughnut*